today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry about my life...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
