i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
