so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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