she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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