I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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