good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
