were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
