Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
