I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize