I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
