They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
