it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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