Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You need Xanax blowdarts
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
