My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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