My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
