I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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