my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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