Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
