i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
