i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Randomize
