I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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