I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
