I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
