I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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