the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
