I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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