The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
