There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize