had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
