There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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