i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
