i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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