Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
