so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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