I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize