the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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