I just saw a hot homeless man
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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