So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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