I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
