thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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