the condom got lost in my hair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
