they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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