Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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