I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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