In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
