I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
