I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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