You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
