Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
