hotel room ftw
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
