she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
