In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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