Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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