I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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