I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize