If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
