So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
