its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ketchup is God's man juice
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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