I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
