please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
